the dairy problem

I love food. 

Absolutely love it. 

But there's one small (HUGE) problem- I can't eat dairy. Like, any at all.

If something has milk in it, even if it's a small amount, it will slowly begin to kill me. 

I get terrible stomach and head aches. I can't stay awake. Can't go to sleep. Can't nothin'. My boyfriend says I "go straight Hulk" and I say, "Or I just die on the spot and you have to carry me home."

It's tragic, really. Wanna know why? EVERYTHING HAS MILK IN IT- LITERALLY EVERYTHING. 

McDonald's French fries? Milk in 'em.

Mocha lattes? There's milk in there.

Pancakes? Ya. 

Smoothies? Ya. 

Swear on my whole closet (which isn't much but it's basically all I've got) that if you are on a dairy free diet you are in hell.

I was a vegetarian for 2 1/2 years and I just started eating meat again like 3 weeks ago. Bleggghhhh, I haaaaate meat. Really hate it. But I was on a meat-and-dairy-free diet for a couple weeks and cried multiple times. It's like being a vegan. You can't eat anything. It's terrible. 

It gets worse, though. 

My favorite Spanish pastry, "pan de chocolate", is all chocolate. 

I had five yesterday. 

I couldn't sleep- maybe that was because I was sad and my mind was running everywhere, or maybe because my head was throbbing and I was dizzy and every noise made me want to curl up and die. 

And then on top of that my stomach was making weird noises and hurting every time I moved. 

After I hung up my two hour long FaceTime, I took two Aleve and tucked myself in, only to find Aleve doesn't work until you wait like 30 min. 

So basically for two and a half hours I was suffering the most intense and uncomfortable pain anyone has ever experienced before. 

Well, maybe not ever before, but it hurt and I felt s****y.

So I ask myself, were those five "pan de chocolate"s worth all the pain I just experienced? Is eating ice cream worth lying that "I'm hungry" when my stomach makes weird noises? 

And I'm like "hell ya, hell ya, hell ya! F*****g right, f*****g right- alright!" (HYFR - Lil Wayne)

I tried to stop eating dairy a few times before, and it's just made me a grumpy person. No one likes Grumpy Shaeffer! My parents don't even love me when I'm "Hulk Shaeffer". 

Okay maybe that's a little dramatic. My parents told me they love me no matter what. But still. 

I think there comes a point in your life when you have to choose between pain and joy- you need to choose whether you enjoy something so much you would put yourself through pain or if you are weak and going to take the easy way out.

Kind of like love. 

what to wear when traveling

Today is the day. I'm finally going back to Spain! 

Packing my suitcase was a week-long ordeal. My dad told me that "It's not a fashion show" to which I was completely appalled- of course it is. I can't wear the same outfit twice and I need to bring my best out for the people of Spain. 

I mean, people really should be thanking me... When Spanish people see me (an American) they will judge other Americans off of me, and don't you want to be known to have great style? You're welcome. 

Today is a day of travel, but nevertheless it shall not be wasted. 

When traveling, you want to be comfortable, I get it. But comfortable doesn't mean sloppy. I usually opt for something that will: 

a) keep me at a comfortable temperature... Planes get cold so you have to choose to cover your arms or cover your legs. Or if you can't sacrifice covering skin, you have to just deal with it. 

b) not be too much... Simplicity is always extremely chic. You don't want shoes that will give you trouble walking through airports or going through security, and you don't want to stick out like a sore thumb (like a guy I saw earlier today...YIKES) 

and c) reflect my personal style... When you look good you feel good. Being comfortable in your style is one of my keys to confidence. If you wear something out of your comfort zone, something that may not really be your style, you will do nothing but stress about how you look. 

While traveling today, I wore this outfit: 

shirt: I'm pretty sure I got this top from Forever 21 for about $20. It is paired with a nude tank top so I am confident about underneath the shirt. 

shorts: I made these shorts from a pair of mom jeans I found at a thrift store for $8. I cut and frayed them myself. With an ass and thighs like mine, I have to make my own shorts all the time. I've made three different pairs of high waisted jean shorts this summer alone. Finding what looks good on you will begin to define your style and I love the way high waisted jean shorts give me an hourglass figure. 

shoes: these boots are Guess that I found at TJ Maxx for $40 the other day. So chic and comfortable. They zip on the inside for easy removal. Only downside is you have to wear socks which can make you really hot. 

bag: this bag is Nine West, also from TJ Maxx, and I think it was about $15-20. It can hold a lot, has a stylish and functional over-the-shoulder strap, and matches almost anything. 

It kind of disappoints me when people travel in sweats. I feel I am always being judged for my clothes, probably because I am constantly judging people on theirs. I like to take pride in how I look. Sure, it's just traveling, but you never know who you could see or what you're going to do when you get to your destination. 

Spain, here I come! 

why i never want to be a 911 operator

So last night, I watched "The Call" with my only two friends. 

I highly suggest it. 

Not only is it dramatic, it's scary AF and I love drama and scary movies. 

Halle Berry plays a 911 operator who tries to help a girl who has been kidnapped and stuffed in a trunk. 

There's lots of killing in this movie that I did not expect, but nevertheless it pleased me. I'm all for life, but there's nothing like a good surprise stabbing here and there in a film. 

But anyways. 

You're brought into the world of an emergency operator. Whether it's a realistic interpretation or not, it looks like an extremely awful job. You hear the cries of helpless people (or the occasional psychopath killer) as your profession. You literally listen to people's emergency situations and try to help them from who knows how many miles away. You're trying to save someone's life from the bits and pieces of information they give you on the phone. Good luck with that. 

Reason #1 I would not want to be an emergency operator: You need to have composure and patience to help someone during an emergency. I have neither of these which will lead to my immediate firing and perhaps the loss of someone's life. 

Reason #2: I have an extremely addictive personality which then leads me to become very obsessive and possessive... After asking for the person's name, I would think about them all the time. It could even lead to me breaking into police records to find the person's case to see if they made it or not. And then if they didn't make it I would pour over it for years probably and insist it was my fault. Which it probably was. 

Reason #3: If I was in any emergency situation I would be straight up dead. Even after multiple years of self defense training, I still would have no idea what to do in a situation where I am in danger. Therefore, I could not help someone else. Halle had incredible ideas in this movie and I'm like "Yup, never would have thought about that." For that is the ultimate test. And I failed. Awesome. 

Reason #4: Last, but certainly not least, my attention span is the size of a little boy's. Do you know why they don't hire little boys as 911 answer-ers? Because the job takes focus and wisdom and maturity. Take me out of the running. Please.

Don't get me wrong, this movie gave me a newfound appreciation of emergency operators and responders, but at the same time it really just emphasized my shortcomings in life..... 

Maybe I should just stick to being a writer?

my thoughts on being in love

I'm kind of weird.

I love/hate love. 

I love it because it is wonderful, warm, gentle, supportive, accountable, comforting and sexy.

I hate it because it's scary. 

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Up until a little over a month ago, I told myself I would never say I love you to someone unless I really, truly meant it with all of my heart, no doubts whatsoever. 

And I mean it.

When I first started loving my boyfriend, I was scared completely s**tless. I refused to accept the fact that I was falling in love because being in love makes you vulnerable. It makes you think about someone all the time, miss them 2 seconds after they leave, turn your ringtone on so you can wake up everytime they text you, want to impress them even more and tell everyone about you two. Love is annoying and distracting and makes you eat way too much and throws you in the path of a flying insect. It burns your thumb when you're trying to do your hair really nice for them and pushes you into the lake. Love is sleepy and scary and blinding and crazy.

But being in love is the second best thing that has ever happened to me (the first is him coming into my life). Love makes you stop hating everyone and everything. It makes you hold tighter and kiss longer and miss harder and listen closer and trust and jump and feel and laugh. Love makes you forget why you're mad and forgive when you are. Love is touchy-feely and goodnight and goodmorning texts and paying for dinner. It's leaving at the last minute then waking up first thing to see them again.

Love can make or break a person. And being in love has made me a better me. It's made me care about someone else more than I care about myself (for once).

Love can only do good...if you let it. 

the icebreaker

Hey.
It's me, again. Back into the blogging-sphere, and man how I've missed this place.
Honestly, I've had so much free time I swear I've gained 20 lbs. I realized I like mayo WAY more than I should, and that's not a realization you want to have, trust me.
I miss writing.

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For those who don't know me as well as they should, here are just a few, really important things you should know:

1. I am a self-diagnosed hypochondriac who has self-diagnosed herself a borderline schizophrenic. (But really I'm just being dramatic, I need something to blame my faults on, and a mental disorder is believable for me.)

2. I have a boyfriend that I love deeply and I just want to talk about it all the time. So I will. On this blog. You're welcome.

3. I shall be the next Carrie Bradshaw. I'm going to college to study journalism and psychology and I WILL work for Cosmo if it's the last thing I do.

4. I'm obsessed with music and have a really good taste in it. Plus, I'm a really good singer. (LOL) 

5. I consider myself bilingual even though about the only things I know how to say in Spanish are "I'm hungry", "I'm tired" and dirty words.

6. I am a wannabe hipster. Right now, as I type this, my hair is in an extremely hipster topknot with a few fly-aways, high-waisted jean shorts and a tank top I used to hate. Also, I listen to 96.5 The Buzz... Tell me I'm not a f*****g hipster. I dare you.

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Keep checking back for thoughts about life, love, food, fashion, music and whatever else I feel like talking about. Because I once heard about a girl that never expressed her feelings so she threw up every time she heard a loud noise... The hypochondriasis and schizophrenia are enough, I don't need that, too.