the dairy problem

I love food. 

Absolutely love it. 

But there's one small (HUGE) problem- I can't eat dairy. Like, any at all.

If something has milk in it, even if it's a small amount, it will slowly begin to kill me. 

I get terrible stomach and head aches. I can't stay awake. Can't go to sleep. Can't nothin'. My boyfriend says I "go straight Hulk" and I say, "Or I just die on the spot and you have to carry me home."

It's tragic, really. Wanna know why? EVERYTHING HAS MILK IN IT- LITERALLY EVERYTHING. 

McDonald's French fries? Milk in 'em.

Mocha lattes? There's milk in there.

Pancakes? Ya. 

Smoothies? Ya. 

Swear on my whole closet (which isn't much but it's basically all I've got) that if you are on a dairy free diet you are in hell.

I was a vegetarian for 2 1/2 years and I just started eating meat again like 3 weeks ago. Bleggghhhh, I haaaaate meat. Really hate it. But I was on a meat-and-dairy-free diet for a couple weeks and cried multiple times. It's like being a vegan. You can't eat anything. It's terrible. 

It gets worse, though. 

My favorite Spanish pastry, "pan de chocolate", is all chocolate. 

I had five yesterday. 

I couldn't sleep- maybe that was because I was sad and my mind was running everywhere, or maybe because my head was throbbing and I was dizzy and every noise made me want to curl up and die. 

And then on top of that my stomach was making weird noises and hurting every time I moved. 

After I hung up my two hour long FaceTime, I took two Aleve and tucked myself in, only to find Aleve doesn't work until you wait like 30 min. 

So basically for two and a half hours I was suffering the most intense and uncomfortable pain anyone has ever experienced before. 

Well, maybe not ever before, but it hurt and I felt s****y.

So I ask myself, were those five "pan de chocolate"s worth all the pain I just experienced? Is eating ice cream worth lying that "I'm hungry" when my stomach makes weird noises? 

And I'm like "hell ya, hell ya, hell ya! F*****g right, f*****g right- alright!" (HYFR - Lil Wayne)

I tried to stop eating dairy a few times before, and it's just made me a grumpy person. No one likes Grumpy Shaeffer! My parents don't even love me when I'm "Hulk Shaeffer". 

Okay maybe that's a little dramatic. My parents told me they love me no matter what. But still. 

I think there comes a point in your life when you have to choose between pain and joy- you need to choose whether you enjoy something so much you would put yourself through pain or if you are weak and going to take the easy way out.

Kind of like love.