the dairy problem

I love food. 

Absolutely love it. 

But there's one small (HUGE) problem- I can't eat dairy. Like, any at all.

If something has milk in it, even if it's a small amount, it will slowly begin to kill me. 

I get terrible stomach and head aches. I can't stay awake. Can't go to sleep. Can't nothin'. My boyfriend says I "go straight Hulk" and I say, "Or I just die on the spot and you have to carry me home."

It's tragic, really. Wanna know why? EVERYTHING HAS MILK IN IT- LITERALLY EVERYTHING. 

McDonald's French fries? Milk in 'em.

Mocha lattes? There's milk in there.

Pancakes? Ya. 

Smoothies? Ya. 

Swear on my whole closet (which isn't much but it's basically all I've got) that if you are on a dairy free diet you are in hell.

I was a vegetarian for 2 1/2 years and I just started eating meat again like 3 weeks ago. Bleggghhhh, I haaaaate meat. Really hate it. But I was on a meat-and-dairy-free diet for a couple weeks and cried multiple times. It's like being a vegan. You can't eat anything. It's terrible. 

It gets worse, though. 

My favorite Spanish pastry, "pan de chocolate", is all chocolate. 

I had five yesterday. 

I couldn't sleep- maybe that was because I was sad and my mind was running everywhere, or maybe because my head was throbbing and I was dizzy and every noise made me want to curl up and die. 

And then on top of that my stomach was making weird noises and hurting every time I moved. 

After I hung up my two hour long FaceTime, I took two Aleve and tucked myself in, only to find Aleve doesn't work until you wait like 30 min. 

So basically for two and a half hours I was suffering the most intense and uncomfortable pain anyone has ever experienced before. 

Well, maybe not ever before, but it hurt and I felt s****y.

So I ask myself, were those five "pan de chocolate"s worth all the pain I just experienced? Is eating ice cream worth lying that "I'm hungry" when my stomach makes weird noises? 

And I'm like "hell ya, hell ya, hell ya! F*****g right, f*****g right- alright!" (HYFR - Lil Wayne)

I tried to stop eating dairy a few times before, and it's just made me a grumpy person. No one likes Grumpy Shaeffer! My parents don't even love me when I'm "Hulk Shaeffer". 

Okay maybe that's a little dramatic. My parents told me they love me no matter what. But still. 

I think there comes a point in your life when you have to choose between pain and joy- you need to choose whether you enjoy something so much you would put yourself through pain or if you are weak and going to take the easy way out.

Kind of like love. 

what to wear when traveling

Today is the day. I'm finally going back to Spain! 

Packing my suitcase was a week-long ordeal. My dad told me that "It's not a fashion show" to which I was completely appalled- of course it is. I can't wear the same outfit twice and I need to bring my best out for the people of Spain. 

I mean, people really should be thanking me... When Spanish people see me (an American) they will judge other Americans off of me, and don't you want to be known to have great style? You're welcome. 

Today is a day of travel, but nevertheless it shall not be wasted. 

When traveling, you want to be comfortable, I get it. But comfortable doesn't mean sloppy. I usually opt for something that will: 

a) keep me at a comfortable temperature... Planes get cold so you have to choose to cover your arms or cover your legs. Or if you can't sacrifice covering skin, you have to just deal with it. 

b) not be too much... Simplicity is always extremely chic. You don't want shoes that will give you trouble walking through airports or going through security, and you don't want to stick out like a sore thumb (like a guy I saw earlier today...YIKES) 

and c) reflect my personal style... When you look good you feel good. Being comfortable in your style is one of my keys to confidence. If you wear something out of your comfort zone, something that may not really be your style, you will do nothing but stress about how you look. 

While traveling today, I wore this outfit: 

shirt: I'm pretty sure I got this top from Forever 21 for about $20. It is paired with a nude tank top so I am confident about underneath the shirt. 

shorts: I made these shorts from a pair of mom jeans I found at a thrift store for $8. I cut and frayed them myself. With an ass and thighs like mine, I have to make my own shorts all the time. I've made three different pairs of high waisted jean shorts this summer alone. Finding what looks good on you will begin to define your style and I love the way high waisted jean shorts give me an hourglass figure. 

shoes: these boots are Guess that I found at TJ Maxx for $40 the other day. So chic and comfortable. They zip on the inside for easy removal. Only downside is you have to wear socks which can make you really hot. 

bag: this bag is Nine West, also from TJ Maxx, and I think it was about $15-20. It can hold a lot, has a stylish and functional over-the-shoulder strap, and matches almost anything. 

It kind of disappoints me when people travel in sweats. I feel I am always being judged for my clothes, probably because I am constantly judging people on theirs. I like to take pride in how I look. Sure, it's just traveling, but you never know who you could see or what you're going to do when you get to your destination. 

Spain, here I come! 

why i never want to be a 911 operator

So last night, I watched "The Call" with my only two friends. 

I highly suggest it. 

Not only is it dramatic, it's scary AF and I love drama and scary movies. 

Halle Berry plays a 911 operator who tries to help a girl who has been kidnapped and stuffed in a trunk. 

There's lots of killing in this movie that I did not expect, but nevertheless it pleased me. I'm all for life, but there's nothing like a good surprise stabbing here and there in a film. 

But anyways. 

You're brought into the world of an emergency operator. Whether it's a realistic interpretation or not, it looks like an extremely awful job. You hear the cries of helpless people (or the occasional psychopath killer) as your profession. You literally listen to people's emergency situations and try to help them from who knows how many miles away. You're trying to save someone's life from the bits and pieces of information they give you on the phone. Good luck with that. 

Reason #1 I would not want to be an emergency operator: You need to have composure and patience to help someone during an emergency. I have neither of these which will lead to my immediate firing and perhaps the loss of someone's life. 

Reason #2: I have an extremely addictive personality which then leads me to become very obsessive and possessive... After asking for the person's name, I would think about them all the time. It could even lead to me breaking into police records to find the person's case to see if they made it or not. And then if they didn't make it I would pour over it for years probably and insist it was my fault. Which it probably was. 

Reason #3: If I was in any emergency situation I would be straight up dead. Even after multiple years of self defense training, I still would have no idea what to do in a situation where I am in danger. Therefore, I could not help someone else. Halle had incredible ideas in this movie and I'm like "Yup, never would have thought about that." For that is the ultimate test. And I failed. Awesome. 

Reason #4: Last, but certainly not least, my attention span is the size of a little boy's. Do you know why they don't hire little boys as 911 answer-ers? Because the job takes focus and wisdom and maturity. Take me out of the running. Please.

Don't get me wrong, this movie gave me a newfound appreciation of emergency operators and responders, but at the same time it really just emphasized my shortcomings in life..... 

Maybe I should just stick to being a writer?